It has been three and a half months since my husband Daniel was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In many ways I can't believe it has been that long. In some ways it seems like we just started this journey yesterday.
I have to admit that this has been frustrating and exhausting. Just about the time we think things are under control something changes. Daniel has increased his medication several times. I really want some stability, but I know this can be a long road. The doctor said it usually takes six to twelve months to really get there. Ug! I'm not complaining, and I don't blame Daniel. I just wish I knew that we ARE going to be able to move on some day without worrying that anxiety, depression, or elevation was going to be a factor in every decision we make.
It's kind of funny. As I reread the above paragraph it sounds like our lives are terrible. They are not. It's just a tiring way of living. I thrive on routines, and with bipolar sometimes life has to be too flexible for my tastes. Just about the time I get used to one thing, it changes.
The truth is, I'm very lucky. Daniel has a heart of gold, and he knows how his illness affects the rest of us. He works very hard to keep the girls and me happy. He really doesn't have to do this, but it really is nice to know he cares enough to work so hard.
The latest change came in the last week. Daniel recognized that anxiety is a BIG factor for him, and he called the doctor to let him know this was really affecting his quality of life. The doctor tried first one anti-anxiety medicine that was for "as needed" use, and when that worked well he switched Daniel to a daily medication so that part can become stabilized. The medicine is supposed to take up to 30 days to really start working to keep the anxiety level under control, but until then he can use the "as needed" medication, well.... as needed.
I hope things continue to get better, and I am sure they will. I'm not going to lie, though... this journey is really tough. I don't wish it on anyone. We WILL come out of this better and stronger than ever, though!